


years and years

by litspinels



Series: Ode [2]
Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Angst, F/M, Read at Your Own Risk, prompt: sacrifice/immortality, scrapped version of ottv, shinkane week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-04-21 08:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22054177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litspinels/pseuds/litspinels
Summary: mind the tags, please. not beta-read.
Relationships: Kogami Shinya/Tsunemori Akane
Series: Ode [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640317
Kudos: 26





	years and years

There is no way she would have lived without a price. 

She is fitted with a machine in her chest, the first step to her physical cyberization. It will keep her alive until an indefinite period, and the expectation is that she will undergo all the necessary procedures to ensure that she is a constant physical being, never to be affected or changed by circumstance or time. 

Akane Tsunemori is now Sibyl’s Chief Justice; their exceptions handler, the one who holds the final word in their society. Her office and her role is designed to be that of Sibyl’s true nature; a secret that is a matter of national security. They don’t even give her a funeral, and everyone who ever knew her personally received a notice that she’s been declared missing, possibly deceased. Outside of Sibyl she is but a classified piece of data, all her ties to the outside world reduced to a memory that lives inside her head. 

Though she wasn’t conscious when the procedures were made, she knows, looking back, that it was ultimately the kind of decision she would have come to on her own. For a long time now she’s accepted that the system is her own ball and chain, self-inflicted but necessary. The price to keep her own heart beating is something only she could pay, something they realized and used to their full advantage, and lucky for them she was willing to pay it. 

He does not find out immediately. He’s been mourning for weeks, believing she was dying in his arms and was stripped from her during her last moments. So when he meets her again, he breaks down, torn between despair, relief and happiness. It’s just like old times, how they meet, in the middle of a case-- his case, and his sentencing. 

She tells him simply that he was acquitted of his crimes. She doesn’t tell him what it took to have his own psycho-pass invalidated and for her own to be substituted in his place, to ensure that he’ll be able to live freely without any intervention from Sibyl. It’s the kind of good news she is happy to deliver. He looks at her like he knows she has something to do with it; she doesn’t satisfy him with a confirmation. 

Akane explains her situation and her role. It takes a while to talk him through the unfairness of it all. How she’s not allowed to leave her office, how she tasked to watch over both Sibyl and the Public Safety Bureau. She’s still mostly herself, though she admits to him how different the functions of her body are at work, like an overpowered battery; not pausing to take a break, nor ever needing it.

She does, for the first time since being conscious, feel a great deal when she sees him. For that she’s thankful, and knowing that almost all of her existence outside of this room had been erased or hidden, she forgets the machine powering her heart when he touches her face, and when she closes her eyes as he kisses her lips, for the briefest of moments the walls around them don’t exist.

He knows that she doesn’t want him to feel obligated, and he can tell she’s trying to push him away, and no matter how positive she tries to spin the narrative of how she thinks his story should be, he doesn’t back down on ensuring his place in her future. If her home is no longer outside of this building, then he doesn’t want to be there either. 

***

The first year goes by really fast. She doesn’t stop to think about how many cases have been brought forward, and she doesn’t count how many have been resolved. She knows how unnatural it must be, for a learning curve not to exist, but she’s effective, and so is he. She can’t leave the office, but he can. She can’t show herself to everyone, so he acts in her stead. He becomes as protected as she, not that it’s heavily required, but they’re partners now, more than they’ve ever been. 

They solve cases together, they read books, they study law. She passes down judgment, he makes sure it’s adhered to; everything required to do the job, they do. But when the day is over, his existence grounds her, forces her to halt whatever it is that’s making her mechanical. Nothing comforts her more than his presence, and around him her emotions not only exist, but unravels, changes and grows.

They never officially marry; they can’t. She doesn’t exist now, thus he is a henchman of no one. This doesn’t stop him for procuring the rings, and getting her a dress. He dresses up nicely, because she deserves him at his best. They write their vows and frame them. He doesn’t wear his ring on his finger but always around his neck, where it rests above his heart. She wears hers proudly even if he’s the only one who sees. It’s a habit now, a kiss of reverence over the shiny band. To wake her up, and bring her back to him when she drifts away.

The arrangement is not entirely cruel, they are given a generously-sized living quarters in the building, with an open-air space for a small garden. For him it’s but a rehash of a past life, multitudes better now with who he’s sharing with. For her, she’s adapted surprisingly well in that, despite what could be viewed as a great misfortune, she’s never been happier. There they leave behind the truth of their circumstance, going about life as if they lived outside. It’s their little world, a home that’s bigger in their minds than the space allotted, and one that they fill will love in every open space and crevice. 

***

People who knew him didn’t quite understand. What’s Kogami doing, working for the very thing he detested all those years ago. The person who would have thought the least about it became the first to figure it out. Gino after all, might very well have done the same. In fact, Kogami believes a great number of people would not have hesitated to serve her; she’s just that kind of person. How odd, when she thought he’d be the one people would continue to look to and follow back then, when she’s exactly the same. Eventually their friends figured it out, but because they implicitly understand what this all means, they spoke none about it. 

***

The second year is the strangest. The first half goes by faster than she would have liked. Fleeting between her life at home, and the hours at work, she recalls vague moments, missing things that her brain registered as something so terrifying and at the same time exciting. She faints, a lot. It doesn’t take long before he fights to remove her from office. The objection comes from her, of all people, but she struggles to understand why her chest ached so much, when all the movement in there is only made possible by a machine. 

The second half crawls, and not without difficulty. She beats herself up when she remembers the things she forgot, the hours in between sometimes feel like longer days once her leave has been put in place. As it is, the country is expected to function as usual, with exceptions to be put on hold until she returns. For the first time, another human being is allowed inside their home. The national secret is now compounded with the existence of their child, but it’s clear now that Sibyl is ensuring that Akane is not endangered throughout the pregnancy. Shion’s visits are time-bound, but she’s a welcome change in their home, what with the two of them trying to figure out how to do everything by themselves. 

Her belly grows, and grows. Shinya brings their hands together over the stretching skin, cradling her in his arms and making sure she’s always comfortable, reminding her that she-- _ they, _ are both loved. As her body gets heavier and it becomes increasingly difficult to sleep, she clings to him, afraid that she will drift without feeling his warmth beside her. He answers her, like always, with a reassuring squeeze, and a whisper of her name with a soft kiss against her skin. She’s Akane, and she’s his. 

***

A noisy one, with two full-grown adults at her beck and call, Hina swings the start of the third year between chaotic and serene. Her little pea looks just like Shinya, save for the color of her eyes. Such a small thing, having so much power and taking a great deal out of her, making her smile so much her cheeks ache in the best way. Sleepless nights extended, she couldn’t produce more milk; the exhaustion makes a crybaby out of her, sometimes even worse than the baby itself. No other person has made her feel such a multitude of emotions on each end of the spectrum in such a short amount of time. Above all, Shinya’s patience through it, for both her and Hina, has convinced her that she married a real saint. 

She returns to work, and drags her feet through it. She misses her daughter the very second she tucks her in, and every moment she closes the bedroom door. Shinya watches her struggle the first few days, and eventually brings Hina and some of her things inside her mother’s office. The coffee table is moved to the side, no one uses it anyway; he makes sure Hina is within eyesight so that every time Akane wants to look forward, she will see her daughter. She can take breaks to cuddle or feed her, and if she’s busy that’s what Shinya’s there for. He takes a backseat from his duties, changing the diapers and absolutely refusing to use the babysitter drone that Sibyl assigned for them. 

It’s easier to function having her daughter around, but once she got going again, it became hard to turn herself off. The backlogged exceptions took six months to complete, having to compensate for Shinya’s role as he substituted hers. But he still keeps their boundaries where they should be. Her workday stops at six, and they continue parenting at home. Hina demands her attention more and more, and so does Sibyl-- she stops to wonder how she is capable of meeting both and brushes off the unease when she sees Shinya nod off while holding a bottle to Hina’s nose. 

She takes both Hina and the bottle off his hands, sitting next to him and letting him casually drape his arm over them as he stirs. She leans back, planting a kiss on the edge of his jaw and gently nuzzling against him. He’s why.

***

Hina learns how to crawl on the floor of the office. She takes her first steps between the two couches where they wait for her on either side. They try to bake a cake on her first birthday. 

Her first real word is Mama. It takes her a while to say Papa, and she wasn’t there to hear it. 

***

Akane spends most nights holding Hina, watching her chest rise and fall, memorizing her face and the way her expression changes in between dreams. Her heart swells at how much she resembles Shinya, even the wild crease between her brows and the ridiculously unruly hair. She’s confident the likeness doesn’t stop there; Hina seems to love Akane very much, too. 

***

Shinya tells her silly stories like how he got shot by an Inspector once upon a time, sometimes reenacting scenes in heavy detail. She reacts in babble-talk, curiously watching her father as if she understands every single word-- maybe she does, maybe her speech functions have not yet caught up. 

Akane shakes off the sudden curiosity that feels almost out-of-body. The video feed is from last night, when she was working overtime and couldn’t tuck her own daughter in. It’s become more frequent now, these late nights, and Shinya has been too busy watching over Hina to notice.

***

At three, Hina is a ball of energy, getting Shinya to chase her from one end of the office to their home next door, running to her mother when she’s about to be caught. Akane always catches her with open arms, busy as she is, and stands from her seat to play. 

The weight catches her off-guard, as is the length of her limbs as her daughter clings to her while giggling loudly at the onslaught of Shinya’s fingers to her sides. He’s merciful enough to include her in his attack, prompting her own fit of laughter to mix in with her welled-up tears. 

When he notices and asks her what’s wrong, she shakes her head, brushing it off with a kiss to Hina’s forehead before handing her over.

She is growing fast, and she can’t stop it.

***

The days are shorter. She has more help now that Shinya’s not as occupied. They are able to make love again, slow enough to savor it and not worry about disturbing Hina’s sleep. Their kisses are no less hungry, their touches still filled with reverence, they come together, not worrying, because they both know there can’t be another. 

She stops counting the years. The years, instead, come to meet her, and she knows what it meant the moment she saw Hina looking out the window, down to the city below, not two days ago. 

*** 

“I want you to get her out of here.”

versus

“I’m not leaving you alone.”

Tearfully, and in her greatest heartbreak, she wins. 

***

It’s a simple arrangement, one she hopes is not a cruel one. 

Akane stays, while he leaves to raise their daughter outside. He will still work under her, but remotely, and will not be required on the field as much. Hina will adopt his last name on paper, forcing Sibyl to register her officially as a child with an unnamed mother. The child is now considered an extension of Sibyl, and they will take measures to ensure their interests are not compromised. They have judged it a risk that Akane’s absence will affect Hina’s Psycho-Pass, and therefore made considerations allowing limited visits, including a direct floor access and security clearance almost equivalent to the Chief of the MWPSB. 

She knows that reason was on her side, and he doesn’t have it in him to disagree. Between the two of them, Shinya always had the freedom, and now he has to choose it, for Hina’s sake. Hina can’t live like they do; she deserves more than the consequences of her parent’s decisions. It’s their job to give her the best possible life she can have, and that can’t be achieved within these walls, no matter how beautiful they can be made out to be. 

***

Father and daughter live modestly in an apartment close to the Nona Tower. There she learns how to read before she even makes it to pre-school, and there he begins to struggle knowing the hours will be longer with just the two of them. 

He finds out how wrong he is soon enough.

***

Hina is seven. She likes to put her hair up in a bun. She misses her mother and nags him to visit every chance they get. 

***

She is not supposed to be visiting as much as she does, but by now she’s memorized where she’s supposed to go, even coming over without her father knowing. One night Shinya had to persuasively kiss the truth out of Akane because she did not want to betray Hina’s trust.

They’re not hard to forgive, as far as Shinya is concerned. 

***

Akane watches her 10th birthday party through a live stream. Hina has a lot of friends, one of them is Kaori’s daughter. 

***

“Something on your mind?”

Hina shakes her head with a smile, stepping away from the window to sit on her mother’s lap. At twelve she’s never outgrown her tenderness, cuddling and clinging the same way since she was a child. “I like it outside, Mama. I hope you can come with me too.”

“I’m glad you like it out there, Hina. You know I can’t, but I’ll always wait here for you,” Akane whispers against the crown of her head. Shinya walks in with a tray of hot chocolate, gazing questionably at the sight of Akane’s misty eyes. 

She cocks her head to the side, beckoning him to sit. “It’s nothing.” 

***

Every time the machine in her chest gets upgraded, her connection to Sibyl grows stronger, like a compartment in her brain that she can tap into without delay. She’s still healthy enough that none of her organs require changing, and she’s ensured long ago that she will never be pregnant again. Her body had been handed over long ago, a life for many lives. But she has her family, and she wouldn’t change anything at all. 

***

They become increasingly occupied; her with work, Hina with life. 

***

She’s an honor student, she likes to draw, loves to dance. She plays a bit of baseball and knows how to swim. 

She still keeps her hair in a bun. Likes to tease her father that she will dye her hair brown. They argue over mundane things like the posters on her bedroom wall. 

***

Akane is hardwired to function effortlessly during the hours of her job, and even after that. She doesn’t stop to consider the magnitude of time in between when she no longer sees her family; it doesn’t register anymore how much she’s really missing. 

Hina visits less, and she takes it with a hint of loneliness, but mostly she accepts it. 

***

Shinya stays much longer now that Hina is able to look after herself. He reinstates himself in Akane’s office, treading the fine line between doing his job as her henchman and selfishly disobeying Sibyl in order to be the man he promised her to be. He cuts their workdays short, managing her cases based on priority, breaking the routine that she’d been subjected to ever since they left home. 

He lets her feel tiredness and in turn gives her time to rest, watches over her with the same intense devotion, and gives her space to reciprocate when she is out of her depth. Akane relearns and rediscovers; remembers feeling, and being. When she’s with him, it’s easy. They’re never meant to be apart anyway. 

***

She often dreams of waking up in the morning, with Hina tucked in between them, her little hands clutching Akane’s shirt, and Shinya’s arm draped heavy around her waist. She shifts closer to them both, heart swelling, wanting to meld with them and never let go. The contentment keeps her afloat, a steady state that she fondly returns to both subconsciously and not, knowing in that moment how much love she’s capable of. 

On Hina’s fifteenth birthday, Akane wakes up to find her daughter in the same bed, lying comfortably in between them like in her dreams. She’s not a baby anymore, though she still hugs like one, displacing her father’s arm on Akane as she snuggles for warmth. Hina must have snuck in very late, not even bothering to get under the covers. Akane bites back her tears, planting a soft kiss on the crown of Hina’s head and wraps her arms around her. 

“Happy birthday, my little pea.”

***

At sixteen, Hina takes and passes the advanced aptitude placement exam. Her results are similar to her mother’s; receiving an A-ranking across the major ministries and agencies, and with a score higher than anyone has ever achieved before, Sibyl flashes them all over the screens in the Ministry of Welfare, as if they had a hand in it. 

Sibyl had already decided her capability to be the right fit for the Public Safety Bureau, but because she’s too young they have deemed her to be an exception; like a game that Sibyl wants Akane to play. 

***

Hina doesn’t use the direct elevator access. Today she walks through the front doors of the Nona Tower, registers herself as a visitor in the reception, and passes through the normal security checks before her father escorts her to the office on the highest floor.

The atmosphere is tense, almost suffocating. They have never spoken in this capacity; Akane as Chief Justice and Hana as a future employee of the CID. Hana sits across her, stiff and nervous, but holding the same determined stare that Akane recognizes are a reflection of her own. 

The question comes to her like a pull from deep in her consciousness, even though Akane feels like a driver not in control of the wheel. 

“Why do you want to be a detective?” 

Behind her, Shinya shifts where he stands, leaning against the wall like a watchman. Very few get to see the Chief Justice face to face, but the scene unfolding in front of him is not unique. Time and again this office had been the backdrop of how they functioned as a family; what they do resonates beyond the walls of this building, but to him it’s no different than when he made her office the extension of her nursery. Their daughter has grown, in more ways that they had a hand in. 

Akane assumes the role she’s meant to play in these proceedings, but there is softness in the question she poses, something she reserves only for the two of them. 

He steps forward, placing a hand on Akane’s shoulder. The warmth of his palm shakes her off, stirring her back into consciousness; her pupils shift back to their regular color, and as she exhales, she does so with a smile. 

It occurs now to Hina the strangeness of seeing the difference between her father, who, though looking very young for his age, has aged, and her mother, who has not. She’s always been used to it, just accepted it as a fact. Outside of this room she cannot say her name. People will never know how much pride Hina has, to be given life, and love, and everything her mother and father could. It does not surprise her that she ended up choosing what she chose. She’s their daughter, after all.

“I want to protect people.”

***

Time is nothing. 

She doesn’t have to think about it, when she’s reminded with a simple touch. The pull of his hand, the warmth of his embrace, the heat of his kiss. Her reality is here, in every little moment they spend. 

They never say goodbye.

***

The home ceases to be. Rest is not a need. 

She is not a job, but a function; an untouchable constant.

***

Akane comes to, though she rarely does these days; it’s as if this is just a recurring dream, one that she will eventually wake up from. Looking around, she notices the interiors have changed once again, prompting her curiosity at who has time to make such decisions. Surely it couldn’t have been her. She swivels her chair, facing the side of the room, searching for that door, not really knowing why. She knows there used to be a door there, and that it led somewhere. 

Her circuits do not pull up answers. She accepts it without question. Often what the semi-cybernetic brain deems as insignificant does not even send the commands to retrieve them. It’s a limitation, and by the time they figure it out they will probably have wiped away some of the things that once held so much importance to her. She doesn’t even have a particular reaction to it. It is but a shadow of an emotion, one defined with words.

They think she doesn’t. Feel, that is. 

She doesn’t have to come to, knowing that nothing much awaits her in this room they’ve placed her in. But they didn’t take away her ring, and they didn’t take away the photos on her desk. Of her, and Shinya, and Hina at the porch of a home, somewhere, arms around each other and smiling from ear to ear. She only needs to look at it for a moment.

Love. She’s felt it. 

And it never goes away.

***

**Author's Note:**

> This was a scrapped version of Ode to the Veteran, the epilogue for the Ode series and the sequel for Days of Night. I have always had a defined ending for Ode, this was actually a version of it. I'll not bore you with the details, but I suppose my main reason for scrapping this has to do with the way that stories have taken a turn recently in a lot of the media that I've consumed. I still believe in anything that's earned, so angst and unhappy endings doesn't necessarily equate as something bad for me, but I guess this is one of those things that I feel needed to get out of my system as a sort of soft-reset; a form of reconsideration in how I really want to continue (if I even decide to). It feels like a departure, but a welcome at the same time. 
> 
> As always, I request. Please do not comment on my fics.


End file.
